You are busy, your manager is busy. You cross path at meetings but rarely get a chance to connect – on your work, your career, or what is going on outside your team.
You wonder if he or she is aware of what you are doing, the challenges you are facing, and what you need to do to be successful.
You are jealous of having managers that are in touch of their people, providing support and coaching. You know your manager cares about you, but you are just not getting enough of him/her.
You hear a lot of people “do One-on-Ones”. Sometimes your manager initiates it, mainly for performance review or HR process, but it does not happen consistently.
One day, you do all the preparation and get ready for your 1:1, and your manager got asked to a last-minute meeting and cancel. Another time you have a fire to fight and canceled because, of course, you put the business ahead of yourself. Your 1:1 can wait – as you reluctantly hit the button.
There has to be a better way.
Strong relationships are essential to career success. According to a Boston Consulting Group study in 2014, Relationships with Colleagues and Managers are among the Top 5 Happiness Factors at work. That’s right – above Learning and Development and even Salary!
Have you heard the saying: people “Join their Company and Leave their Manager”? Your manager is your lens to the company, and you share business results. More importantly, your manager assesses and represents you at staffing and calibration meetings.
What is this Guide About?
If you are looking for a “7 Quick Tips to Manage your Boss”, you may have better luck asking Google again.
The goal of this guide is to equip you with knowledge, stories and approaches on how to lead effective 1:1s, so you can apply to your own relationships. All the examples are “battle-tested” from real life situations.
Building relationship takes time, same with your reputation. Like other skill-building experiences, your results will grow with your efforts. Start with a simple framework, learn to improve the process, and soon enough your manager will notice your investment in the relationship and productivity together and will value it. Have fun!
Side note: While most of the content in this guide applies to 1:1 between direct reports and managers, the principles are true for other relationships. In the Appendix, there is a section on other applications.
Why 1:1s?
1:1s can be many things depending on your objective and what you make of it:
- Business – update business results, seek alignment, in a more structured setting
- Personal – share experience, seek coaching, brainstorm ideas
- Confidential – address people or sensitive issues privately
The most important thing is that this is YOUR TIME. Your manager has committed to giving you undivided attention to help you be successful. This is validated by all my previous managers and other managers I worked with. They want you to make the most out of it!
If in doubt, keep these principles in mind:
- Your manager wants to be in touch with you and your work
- Regular 1:1s are an effective and productive use of both of your time
- Success look like you are both adding and getting values
- This is only one of the ways you engage, not the only way
Context Do Matter
There is no “One Best Way” to run 1:1s as it depends on your mutual, personal needs. This guide will show you some best practices that have worked for me and others in various situations. I encourage you to “learn the rules to break them”. Master the basics then apply in a way that works the best for you.
Before you start – Let’s take these factors into consideration:
- Nature of Work: Does your work involve analysis or influencing, that will require / benefit from frequent coaching and guidance?
- Your Role: Are you tightly integrated with a team or do you work more independently?
- Experience Level: Are you relatively new to the role, team, company? Have you mastered the work already that you actually know more about it than your manager?
- Decision Making: Do you have decision autonomy or need managerial approval?
- Time sensitivity: Does your work have regular rhythm (monthly, quarterly, etc.), is it project-based with milestones, or is less structured without a rigid timeline?
- Communication Style: Are you comfortable addressing issues directly, or do you value your relationship in a way that don’t want anyone to lose face?
- Thinking Style: Do you prefer getting specific guidance before you start the work, or would you rather come up with a solution of your own?
- Physical Arrangement: Is your manager generally accessible and available? This can cover office set up, flexible work arrangement, role / business overlap, and just how busy he or she is.
Exercise: What Do I want out of my 1:1?
Reflect on the interaction you currently have (or want to have) with your manager over the past month.
- What topics are most frequently covered? Takes the most time? On a regular schedule?
- How often do you discuss priorities and make decisions? What is the process?
- How does your manager get updates on your progress and accomplishments?
- If you already have regular 1:1s, what topics are covered in 1:1 vs. outside of the scheduled time?
- How are your needs met given the contextual factors above? (e.g. new relationship, role, flexible work arrangement) Are there unique needs that are not addressed by your current interactions?
- If you have multiple managers / partners, what are the common topics and needs that you share with them?
- How much time are you spending doing the work vs. updating on the work?
- How will regular 1:1s complement other interactions?
- What does successful 1:1 mean to you?
Before You Start: The Myths
Sometimes we go through these mental blocks and say no to ourselves before we even start. Are 1:1s
- Time Consuming: Who wants to spend an hour every week to talk about what is going on?
The truth is we spent more time trying to connect because we need to. We just use less productive ways (email/phone tag, the hunt down the hallway, cafe).
A well-organized 0.5 – 1 hour weekly 1:1 session can save both of you hours with better results. You will avoid multiple emails or one-off discussions, and make decisions on the spot. There will be time and mind space for important, long-term topics, and a way to improve how you work together.
- Counter-Productive: It takes a lot of time to prepare for these “extra” meetings
Effective 1:1s are means and not ends. As you prepare for your 1:1, you will have reviewed your priorities and deliverables. This will give your manager the impression that you are on top of things – because you will be.
Preparing for your first few 1:1s may take a little more time, but once you master the process, it will come quickly and naturally. (And I will show you how to get ready in 15 minutes) We also tend to underestimate the power of consistency. Once you worked out a rhythm and protocol with your manager, you will be amazed by the productivity boost.
Reuse the same materials with other 1:1s partners. When I used to have 3 roles, I used the exact same talk sheet with my manager and the other team leaders because my goal was to be transparent about all priorities on my plate. They appreciated the visibility so we can make decisions together. My time investments for one 1:1 got used in three, and I was able to drive priorities to save time everyday. How is that for return on effort?
- Am I too Selfish? My manager is busy and I don’t want to be attention seeking.
We often feel guilty about taking up our manager’ time. Unless your manager explicitly told you so, generally it is quite the opposite. Nowadays most people have multiple roles and people development has become a nice to have. Ultimately your achievements contribute to your manager’s, so a part of your job is actually to ensure you are winning together. Don’t be shy about asking for what makes you successful. Speak up – for your career depends on it.
You may ask yourself these questions along the way. Think about the ultimate goal and Trust the process. You will constantly refining the “how” to make it better. And you will save massive time for yourself and all your current / future managers and partners – while getting high quality engagement.
What Topics to cover during 1:1?
You can cover many (combinations of) topics during your 1:1. For simplicity, let’s organize them by time: Past, Present, and Future. Aim for a balance between all three, but it depends on your working relationship and the timing of each meeting.
Past:
- Quick update or Follow up from last meeting
- Celebrate wins and achievements
- Review deliverables from last week
- Debrief and coaching (important meetings, presentations, customer calls, etc. if not done right after)
- Business Update (Review reports, drivers, risks and opportunities)
Present
- Priority setting (for the week or month)
- Hands on working session (analysis, reports, project)
- Review work in progress and get feedback
- Practice / dry run presentations (internal or external)
- Make decisions (business or priorities)
- Get help (resource, coaching, guidance, connection)
- People / Confidential discussions (team dynamics, inter-personal relationships, conflicts)
Future
- Upcoming Opportunities and Priorities (personal, team, organization)
- Upcoming Meetings, Travel or Vacation plans (and coverage plan if required)
- Goal Setting (business, career, learning, personal)
- Performance discussion (from informal “how am I doing?” to official quarterly check ins)
- Career discussion – near term (learning and skills development, flexibility, etc.)
- Career discussion – long term (role planning, progression, PIE)
In deciding how to structure the topics, keep these in mind:
- Time Sensitivity
Make sure you first cover topics with urgent deadlines and are upfront about it. “We have an hour today, let’s make sure we cover topics 1, 4, and 6, and the rest can wait. Will this work for you?”
- Proactive Bias
When you start out, you will likely spend more time on current topics, especially if you are new to the role. But try to dedicate time for forward-looking topics, even once a month. Otherwise, the topics in the “important – not urgent” quadrant will become urgent and it gets very difficult to get out of the cycle.
- Maximize Collaboration
Some people believe that we should not “waste” precious 1:1 time on updates, but it is not a set rule as you could get valuable feedback from those discussions. Try to shift the updates to pre-read or email so you can take full advantage of the face time together on topics that will benefit from the interaction.
The Step By Step 1:1 Process
- Expectation setting
Discuss how the 1:1 should look like. Agree on topics, frequency, duration, format (In person, phone, skype, email?). Don’t worry about getting everything perfect at the beginning. Start with a common understanding and refine later.
- Set up a Simple Talk sheet
Align on a simple structure and use it consistently. Some bullet points include: Update since last discussion, Topics for Today, Current and Upcoming Priorities, Help Needed
- Book recurring invitation on calendar
Find a day and time of the week that is less stressful (e.g. month end) or conflict-prone with other meetings. Set up the 1:1s for success with the right state of mind. Agree to only move the 1:1 ideally to an earlier time than planned, but never cancel unless it is better for both of you.
- Follow Through and Deliver
Trust and Stick to the process. Send the pre-read materials and follow up notes as you promise. Resist the temptation to wait because your manager did not get back to you quickly. Own the process and unconditionally deliver on your part. Respect your manager’s time: start and finish on schedule. You can mutually agree to adjust or extend but don’t drag on and play the “one more thing” trick. What works for Apple product announcements will not build a good reputation for you in this context. Follow up if necessary.
- Periodic review
Take notes and debrief on the process every 2-3 months. What is working well vs. not? Are you both getting what you need from the time together? What should you do more, less, change? Once you get into the groove and everything is working well, there is no need to change for the sake of changing.
The 1:1 is a forum to serve specific purpose for both of you. As the circumstances change, the format should change accordingly. A 1:1 for a manager and a new hire will be different even 3 or 6 months later. The format and focus should evolve over time. The key is to keep it relevant, engaging and fun.
I have Mastered the Basics – How can I Level Up my 1:1s?
- Plan Further Ahead: Work through a high level 1:1 calendar for the year.
- Weekly: cover current priorities and deliverables
- Monthly: project or development milestones for feedback
- Quarterly: overall performance and skills assessment, and of course
- Annual: performance evaluation and career interest
If you are able to align and put the calendar in action, your manager will love you for it. You will have secured the time up front, and if you follow through the process, meet the goals and expectations you set forth.
- Be Organized and Flexible
This is a perfect example of “Learn the Rules to Break them”. The structure you use is optimized for most conditions. As circumstances change (for the day only or longer term), your approach should adapt as well.
- If traveling, can you switch channel to email update with an optional phone call?
- If manager’s feedback is needed on a project you are working on with a teammate, why not inviting him/her to join for the 15 minutes to get the feedback together?
- If you only get half the planned time today, do you cover all topics briefly or defer some topics to another time?
The key is that you keep the end goal in mind and be flexible in execution. The format is simply a way to achieve your goal to keep your manager engaged and informed.
- Setting the right Stage
Think of 1:1s as inviting a guest to your house (your manager is likely thinking the same), and you want to create a welcoming environment for a good conversation.
- Reduce or eliminate distractions (phones, messaging, people). Walk a few steps and use a room further away from your team’s area.
- Have all information / tools ready. Open the talk sheet, reports, presentations you want to review. Put away the rest, close unneeded windows on your computer.
- Defer if needed. If you sense something is affecting manager’s focus, ask “what is on your mind” and listen. We all have good and bad days. Suggest rescheduling if helpful. If a topic cannot wait, send the materials in email, so that your manager can respond later today.
And if you do all that – how can your manager not love you?
How should Gold Standard 1:1s Feel Like?
Once you mastered 1:1s, your life at work will be so much easier:
- Quick Preparation
Since you have done this many times and adapted it to your and partners’ needs, preparation will be effortless. You intuitively adjust format and approach for each audience. Your manager will be trained to expect clear topics and focus from you, making you both very productive during the time together.
- Clear Priorities
As you proactively communicate and manage priorities, you jointly own the delivery. Your manager now trusts you with making priority calls, as you have built the confidence on the process and judgment. Conflict or disagreement happens much less frequently because you pre-empted it already. And if it does arise, it won’t come as a surprise and will be easier to resolve.
- Secured Support
You are much better at articulating your need and rationale. The creditability you built over time makes it easy for your manager to say yes, back you up or find you the help requested.
- Accelerated Development
As the everyday business fires are under control, you get more quality time for coaching and development. Your manager can give you feedback on an important presentation you are planning, or you can discuss options for next assignment.
- Your manager thinks you are on top of things
Priceless. This sets you up for bigger responsibilities and opportunities. Being able to self-manage with discipline and process is not a common trait. People Managers particularly look for this quality to evaluate promotion readiness. “How can I get everyone to be as organized and disciplined as you, so we can all be more productive?”
- Others will come to you for advice
Would you kill to get there?
The Path Forward
If you have read this far, pat yourself in the back and get ready for more action.
You are now an expert on 1:1s, and I want you to spread the knowledge.
Your manager will directly benefit from your effort, and will love you for keeping him / her engaged while saving each other so much time.
Your manager will ask you to share the “format” with others who also report to him/her, but you know (as an expert now) it is not just about the format or the structure. It is about the thinking and planning. This will be a key attribute of your reputation. Good things will follow!
If you are a people manager, feel free to use the resources here and add your unique perspectives as their manager. Use a language that resonates with your people and help them grow, help them help you.
I love to hear what how you are applying this to your relationships and what you learned. Leave a comment or email me (garros@takemetowork.com) with your story and any other challenges you may be facing. I promise to read and write back!
In Part 2 of this series, I will cover how to apply Effective 1:1 techniques in Special Situations and address some frequently asked questions.
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