The Robot talk

Risking over-simplification, here’s a contrast of two communication or influence styles.
Some people are natural and comfortable at expressing their emotions, in and out of business setting. They make their voices and opinions heard. If you are looking for the cues, you will hear lots of “I think, I feel, I believe, and here’s why”. They will walk you through what’s on their minds, whether that’s just talking out loud or as a formal recommendation.
On the other side of the spectrum – My best work buddy once jokingly told me “You talked like a robot – cool, organized, logical”. I didn’t understand it at the time, until my team gave me a similar feedback in a different way. “I follow and agree with everything you say, your logic is sound and brilliant. But something is missing, I want to know where YOU are on the issue.”
People who are trained in a technical background may resonate with this. “It’s not about what I think!” It’s about the facts and the situation. Given the same facts and situation, anyone will arrive at the same conclusion, right?  That may be correct, but I was missing the point.
If you look for the cues, you will hear more passive voices and a more detached, almost 3rd person view. In some cultures, that is actually the norm of authority figures, but that again, is one of the ways to be effective.
I kept on looking for an answer, and then my manager Bob poked it right at the eye. The Magical ingredient missing is Conviction. Like it or not, senior leaders would ask you all sorts of questions to challenge your thinking. But it is just as much about testing your conviction.
So in my case, the communication attribute needed was conviction or emotion.  How did I fix it?
“You look people in the eye, and tell them what you think.  Not the facts, not the logic.  Your opinion – if you bet your own money, where will you place it? People already trust you, more than you are giving credits to yourself. You don’t have to convince them with logic. They want to know what you believe in.”
And with that advice, I do a mental check for every big meeting or major decision:  Where’s my stamp of approval placed? Is that visible enough? Does it come across clear and strong, or is it still too “objective”? I will use direct, active tone, start with the logical discussion and conclude with what I believe in.  It was not natural at first, but over time I put lights to my own blind spots.
Do people know where you are on the issues? Where is your head and where is your heart?
 
After story:  2 years following that conversation, I was delivering a Cultures training with a shocking discovery. In a group of 209 people representing most functions, I was the only one (yes 1/209) who naturally tend to communicate in an “unemotional” style.  If I worked in Asia or a more technical field, my style would have been the norm. But that was not the environment where my natural communication style would resonate, and I was glad to have learned how to adapt to be effective.