One of the most challenging and rewarding things for managers / coaches is to give people honest feedback. We obviously want people to be more effective or at least aware of an alternative perspective, but are never sure how the recipient will react.
What if he took it personally?
What if she got defensive and start an argument?
What if that hurts our relationship?
Sometimes, official reporting relationships can also create an unintentional conflict of interest, causing managers to think twice about giving true, honest feedback.
But – What if, by sharing your point of view, you could actually help the person improve?
What if you can help unlock a barrier that has been limiting that person’s growth?
Before you prepare for the conversation, keep in mind the essential foundation of Trust. You should be building and maintaining that relationship over time and not wait for the moment of truth in a transactional way. The recipient should know the feedback is a genuine gift from you to help him/her be better. You should also pick a time and environment that is appropriate for such conversation (so try to avoid major deadlines).
Tips and Preparation for Giving Feedback:
- Be Balanced: Start with the positive and recognize what worked well. Positive reinforcements always work, and you put your people in an agreement mode. They are more likely continue the conversation with an open mind instead of getting defensive .
- Acknowledge the Intention: Show that you understand what the person is trying to accomplish (e.g. I think you were trying to influence the team to see the situation a certain way, and…”)
- Separate the What and the How: Any deliverable, big or small, is always a combination of what and how. For a meal, it is the quality, taste, presentation and service. For a presentation, it is the messages and the tone and style. For a project, it’s the results and the team’s experience working with you. Both are important, but usually what makes the difference between result and impact is the “how”.
- Ensure Understanding: As you share the feedback, describe the situation specifically. “When you made the pitch to …, my reaction was …”. Context and motivations are important. Ensure the recipient is clear.
- Permission to make suggestions: Often, we tend to offer suggestions automatically to share experience and add value. Not so fast. The feedback itself offers value as a reflection of a different perspective, which informs the learning process. But if we offer the solution prematurely, it would not give our people the opportunity to learn and seek their own solution or figure out their own way of handling in the future.
Tips for Receiving Feedback:
- Show Appreciation: It is not easy to give honest feedback and your manager / coach is taking a risk to share the perspectives with you. Acknowledge the effort and intention to help whether you agree or not.
- Seek Understanding: The key to learning is to internalize the elements of the situation, so you can adapt and improve in the future. Make sure you understand the other person’s perspectives and the context of the feedback.
- Request Support: By giving you feedback, your manager / coach has already taken a step for your development. Why not sign him or her up to help you improve further? (e.g. run future ideas, point to resources, dry-run presentations)
- Personalize but don’t take it personally: Take the feedback as a personal gift for you and only you. It is a reflection of an action and not you as a person. If your first response is a defensive one, pause and think about what triggered the emotion. Be thankful that person helped you discover a reaction that is different from your intention or expectation. Now you can do something about that, either now or in the future.
Honest, effective Feedback is difficult but invaluable to everyone’s development. As you get better at giving and receiving feedback and do so more often, you will enrich your relationships with those around you and start a journey of mutual growth.
